


There's a Truth in This Haziness, You Just Can't See It

by HunterByDayWhovianByNight



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Seattle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:44:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5019790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say going north symbolizes finding the truth and gaining clarity, and in the midst of everything in his life, that's exactly what Ryan needed.</p><p>Or:</p><p>What happened in Seattle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's a Truth in This Haziness, You Just Can't See It

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anyone or anything mentioned in this story; this work was created solely for the enjoyment of myself and others. This is a dramatized re-telling, and is not necessarily what happened. I hope that those reading this can find some closure in the one question every Ryden shipper asks themselves at one point-
> 
> What happened in Seattle?
> 
> ~Hunter

All around Ryan, there was music reverberating off the walls of Pete’s club. There were people everywhere, singing and dancing and drinking. They were happy and joyous, but Ryan was not. In fact, he wished he could be anywhere but here right now. Brendon wasn’t there, and there wasn’t any point at all to this night if they were both on opposite sides of the country. Ryan looked down at the glass in his hand, the ice and the amber liquid swirling around in the vessel as he rotated his wrist absentmindedly. He pushed the paisley bandana up his forehead and glanced around the club boringly. Everyone was drunk off their asses and making complete and utter fools of themselves. Earlier, Keltie had been hanging all over him and she only stopped when he told her that she was too drunk and that it wasn’t his style.

Ryan felt a vibrating in his pocket and slightly jumped at the noise of his phone going off. He fished it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. Brendon. He smiled and eagerly flipped it open, moving to a more quiet area so he could talk to him.

“Hey, Ryan!” Brendon chirped from the other side of the phone. Ryan grinned as he heard his friend’s voice, miles and miles away from him.

“Heya Bren. Why’d ya call?” Ryan questioned.

“Well I just wanted to wish you a happy 21st birthday and that…” Brendon trailed off.

Concerned, Ryan pondered further. “And that what? Is something wrong?”

“Well… I just really miss you. It sucks that I can’t see you on your birthday this year. We always spent it together as kids,” Brendon reminisced. “And I wanted to hear your voice,” he added with a chuckle. Ryan’s previously concerned countenance had a large smile plastered across it now. He leaned back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling, trying to decide what to say.

“I miss you too, man. And you know…” Ryan paused. Brendon was probably hanging on the edge of his seat for a response back. “I could see you. In fact, I want to see you. Tomorrow.”

Brendon, who was at the other end of the US, sat shell-shocked on his couch. “Well, where? I mean, it’s your birthday, you decide.”

“Seattle. Heard it’s nice this time of year,” Ryan joked. 

“I’ll see you there. How long we gonna stay? Just one night? Should I get a hotel?” Brendon questioned as he got up from the couch and walked to his room to begin packing a small bag.

“Yeah, just one night. And yeah, I think it would be best to get one,” Ryan rushed out. He could barely contain his excitement. Maybe tomorrow night, he could finally tell Brendon how he felt, how much he really meant to him in his favorite city. 

“Great! I can’t wait to see you,” Brendon said, hanging up the phone and shoving it in his pocket while grabbing a jacket to throw into his bag. He couldn’t stop smiling, and he could barely focus on what he was going to pack. He was more focused on being with Ryan, seeing Ryan, and just breathing the same air as Ryan. 

“I can’t wait to see you, too,” Ryan said after Brendon hung up. He closed his phone and slumped against the wall, a satiated grin appearing on his lips and a warmth flowing through his chest, comforting him.

~~~~~

Eager to get home and buy himself a ticket, Ryan found Keltie and they started to say their goodbyes. People begged him to stay longer, but he insisted that he was tired and should probably get home before too many mistakes were made. 

The cab drive home consisted of Keltie sleeping across Ryan’s lap and Ryan squished into the backseat. It was uncomfortable, yes, but he couldn’t afford to have any more embarrassing pictures of him on the internet than there already were. 

They arrived at her apartment, and Ryan carried Keltie inside after paying the fare. He laid her down on the bed and took off her shoes so she’d be more comfortable. He went straight to his computer and pulled open google’s home page. He typed in “flights to Seattle” into the search bar, and clicked on the first departing flight, at 4:30 that morning. He figured he’d be there around eleven, if there were no delays. He bought the ticket immediately, and as it was printing, he started to pack a bag. He threw a t shirt, a pair of jeans, some socks, and underwear into the bag, and headed to the bathroom to retrieve a comb and his toothbrush. When he returned to his room, his eyes stopped to his bedside table, which was slightly opened. For a moment, he hesitated, but grabbed a couple condoms from the small box and threw them in his bag. He rushed to his printer and grabbed his ticket before returning to Keltie who was lying in their bed. Ryan knelt down next to the side and kissed her cheek, rubbing the small area with his thumb and pushing the blonde hair out of her face. 

Ryan grabbed the keys that were on the table next to the door, and looked back at the apartment, giving it one last sweep. He opened the door, locked it, and left. Outside, he hailed a cab and went directly to JFK.

~~~~~

“Hey Bren, you’re probably on your flight right now, but I’m just calling to say I should be there around eleven, at concourse A. I’m flying Delta. I can’t wait to see you there,” Ryan said into the phone after it told him to leave a message. He shut off his phone after, and slipped it into his bag.

“Are you meeting someone?” the young girl sitting next to Ryan asked him. She couldn’t have been more than five, and she was clutching a stuffed bear that had a little blue ribbon tied on its neck. She gazed up at him, waiting for an answer.

“Yes, I am. I’m very excited to see them,” Ryan replied with a small smile, trying to be nice to the little girl.

“Are you in love with them? You looked reallyyyyy happy while you were talking,” she said with a cheshire smile. Ryan chuckled, but it really had him thinking. Memories of high school, their first tour, writing for this current album. All of the fake kisses... Maybe he was in love with him.

“I think I am,” Ryan said as he bit his lip and started to blush. Seemingly happy with the answer, she turned towards her mother who had just come back from the bathroom and climbed onto her. Ryan looked out the window and leaned his head against the wall. Only six more hours until he saw Brendon. He shut his eyes and fell asleep.

Ryan dreamt of Brendon. His smile, his voice, his laugh. The way he looked when he was singing and of the way his arm felt when it was wrapped around his lanky frame. The little glint in his eye when he glanced across the stage to look at Ryan. The silly way he looked as Ryan did his makeup for shows. All those things were distinctly Brendon to Ryan, and they were the things he adored, even worshipped about him.

Nobody saw the little smile play across his lips while he was fast asleep.

~~~~~

Brendon was there at the terminal waiting for him. He had on his hood, hoping nobody would notice him. He was sat in one of the chairs, glancing at the clock on the wall, waiting for 11:00 to come quicker. He tapped his left foot anxiously, waiting to see Ryan walk out of the door, taller than everyone else and probably smiling. Then, at 11:15, he saw a stream of passengers come out of the Delta gate. Quickly, he got up and started to look for Ryan. Finally, he saw him. His curly brown hair framing his face, and he was wearing a red plaid shirt and a vest. Ryan saw him too, and quickened his pace. They walked briskly towards each other and in the midst of all the people, they wrapped each other in their arms and hugged. It was a bit longer than a normal one; they were hanging onto each other and neither one of them seemed like they were going to let go first.

It was all limbs and slow breaths. The two were just breathing each other in, and Brendon pulled Ryan closer to his chest, tightening his hold on him and pressing him close to his chest. “As much as I love this, you’re constricting my breathing, Bren,” Ryan choked out as Brendon immediately let go of him and straightened Ryan’s vest where it has been rumpled.

The little touch of Brendon’s hands on his chest made Ryan’s heart race. He looked down at Brendon, and their gaze locked. The two pairs of brown eyes searched each other, and Brendon was the first to speak.

“You must be hungry! It’s almost lunchtime, and I’m hungry too. I saw a nice little cafe down by the hotel,” Brendon said. 

“I’m starving. And I’m down for eating anything right now, honestly. Didn’t have much of a dinner last night at the party,” Ryan said as he adjusted the backpack on his shoulder. The two walked side-by-side, their footsteps syncing with each other.

They hopped into a cab and drove to the hotel. Ryan said he would go up to the room and drop off his bag and be right down. Brendon gave him the room key and Ryan slinked out of the cab and jogged up to the front of the hotel. 

As Brendon paid the fare, Ryan was walking towards the room. He slid the key inside the lock and it opened immediately after a little green light appeared. He threw his bag onto a chair and pocketed his wallet. He saw Brendon’s bag haphazardly strewn across the floor, and his eyes were drawn to the contents. Peeking into it, he saw a small bottle of lube and a packet of condoms inside. He was a bit surprised, but he mentally shook away the thought and exited the hotel room.

Ryan returned to the outside of the hotel where he saw Brendon waiting for him on the curb. “The cafe is down the street. Thought we could walk there together,” Brendon said, perking up when Ryan got closer to him.

“Let’s go, then,” Ryan said enthusiastically. They walked down the curb, and overhead, the clouds started to gather in the sky. There was a bit of a breeze that day, and the air was cool against their cheeks as it blew in their direction. Ryan’s pale cheeks turned pink with the wind chill and his nose started to grow cold as well. He felt Brendon press against his side as they walked into the cafe, creating some kind of warmth as their arms rubbed against each other. They looked at the menu and made their selections, still joined at the arm. After they got their sandwiches and tea, they chose a table by the window so they could look out and see the city bustle beside them.

Their lunch was relatively brief, and done in silence. It was mostly because they didn’t know what to say, but also because they both knew that what they were doing, especially if they got spotted, they wouldn’t have an explanation. Thoughts were flying through Brendon’s head. What will the paparazzi say? What will the fans say? How does this look to other people? Ryan has a fucking girlfriend, for God’s sake. What will SHE do?

After they finished, Ryan suggested that they walk through Seattle a bit and look at some shops. Brendon agreed, and they got up from the table and exited the cafe. The girl behind the counter wished them a nice day, and they returned the favour. 

~~~~~

By mid-afternoon, it had started to drizzle a little bit. They were down at Myrtle Edwards Park when it started. The small raindrops hit the concrete and asphalt all around, filling the air with the scent of petrichor and wet grass. Not minding the small raindrops on his eyelashes, Ryan bent his head back and let more fall onto his closed eyes and face. Brendon looked over at him from his spot on the bench. Ryan, with his neck tipped back, arms placed on the back of the freezing metal bench, and those long legs crossed in front of him. He looked… beautiful. He was the glowing sun in this city with its rain and coffee and cloudy skies. And the look on his face when those lucky raindrops kissed his face was gorgeous. He barely flinched, and gave a small smile as they fell, hitting the fair skin and leaving it slightly wet.

“This is what I live for. I love it here. And… this city just seems so special, now that you’re here with me, Bren,” Ryan said, not budging from his position. Brendon felt happiness pulsate through his veins, and it felt like his body was going to explode.

“Thank you, Ryan. That means a lot to me,” Brendon blushed, casting his eyes toward the bay. He leaned against Ryan like a dog, nestling his head on Ryan’s bony shoulder. Ryan cradled his head with his, and brought him closer. And they sat like that, in a ball of warmth and peacefulness, in the bleak, rainy weather. 

~~~~~

After a bit, the two left the park and decided to go to dinner. They were both surprised that a fan hadn’t seen them and asked for a picture with them; it was a big city. Someone was bound to recognize them. But Ryan was glad nobody noticed them. He didn’t want to share this day, these moments with anyone. It was selfish, but Ryan didn’t care. In this moment, Brendon was his and only his. They caught another cab and rode to a restaurant Brendon had mentioned earlier, something that he said would remind them of the “Fever” days.

Brendon wasn’t lying. The restaurant had motherfucking burlesque and trapeze dancers. It did remind him of their first tour with all the dancers around him and the giddy atmosphere that had been so new to him as a teenager. He loved it, and was glad Brendon had chose such a fabulous restaurant. 

As they soaked in the atmosphere and sipped their drinks, (Ryan had generously not ordered alcohol, even after Brendon told him it was okay) they began reminiscing. The late night song writing sessions, long days in the van. It all seemed to come flooding back to them. They gushed about the questionable fashion choices they had both made, and Brendon finally made a comment about how Ryan looked like a sad cowboy in his plaid shirt, jeans, and vest. Ryan scoffed, and pretended to look offended by the comment. 

“It’s true! You look absolutely ridiculous right now, Ry,” Brendon laughed, feeling himself start to wheeze. Ryan snickered and rolled his eyes at the comment. Then, their food arrived and the two dug in.

The food was gone soon. It was Italian, and tasted pretty damn good in Ryan’s opinion. After discussing what was good and bad about the restaurant, Brendon stopped Ryan.

“I have something to give you.”

Ryan’s brown eyes widened when he asked, “What is it?”

Brendon pulled out a box from his pocket and slid across the table and leaned back into his chair. Ryan hesitantly grabbed the box, and gave Brendon an uneasy look. He opened the box, and inside was a guitar pick from the first tour. He looked at it in awe, in disbelief that Brendon had kept it for so long.

“Where’d you get this? Did you keep it?” Ryan asked excitedly, turning it over and running it between the pads of his fingers

“I saved it. It’s actually from the first show too. Can’t remember if you actually used it or not, but you had it clipped inside the mike stand. I took it before you could throw it into the audience. I’ve had it for years,” Brendon said.

Ryan reached across the table and hugged Brendon. “Thank you so much, Bren. It means a lot,” he said as he placed it back into the box and shoved it into his pocket. “I’ve also been meaning to tell you something, Bren.”

“What did you wanna say?” Brendon questioned as he slightly cocked his head.

“I… I don’t know if you could tell before, but… I think, fuck,” Ryan put his head in his hands, feeling his anxiety take over. He couldn’t think clearly and he was usually so good with words. But that poet’s brain was failing him in one of the most important moments of his entire life.

“What is it? Ry, are you okay, man?” Brendon inquired, feeling the concern for his friend grow.

“That I’m… Fuck, Bren, I’m fucking in love with you. Always have been, and always will be. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met, and I don’t care if you don’t feel the same. I fucking love you,” Ryan poured out, feeling his emotions flow with the tears that started to streak his cheeks. He was wrecked, crying and choking on his words. “I just really, really love you. I just wanted you to know. I couldn’t live this stupid lie anymore.”

Brendon’s brain couldn’t comprehend in the absolute slightest what had just come out of Ryan’s mouth. He stared at his friend, crying and obviously beating himself up inside his head. He grabbed hold of Ryan’s chin, and forced him to look into his eyes. Amidst the tears, Ryan saw love in his friend’s eyes. “I’m not lying when I say this Ryan, but oh my fucking god I love you too. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you,” Brendon stuttered out. His chest rose and fell, feeling tears sting the rims of his eyes. His heart was soaring and his mind was overwhelmed. Not knowing what to do, Brendon leaned over and touched his lips to Ryan’s, who reciprocated immediately. It was a few seconds long, but the sparks Ryan felt when he felt Brendon’s slightly chapped lips against his were enough to start a wildfire. When they pulled away from each other, Ryan and Brendon blushed profusely and the tears started to stop falling from Ryan’s eyes.

“I’ve waited so long to do that for real, Brendon. So fucking long,” Ryan said as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. Brendon grabbed his hand that was resting on the table and squeezed it. 

“Me too.”

The bill came, interrupting the heartfelt moment. They hastily paid and got up to leave the restaurant. While they were out on the street and waiting for a cab to drive by, a teenaged girl came up and politely tapped Ryan on the shoulder to ask for a picture. Despite what Ryan was thinking earlier, he gratefully obliged. The girl had handed the camera to what looked like her dad, and stood between them. Brendon stood to her right and leaned down a bit to her level while Ryan stood close to her and awkwardly held his arm in his hand. 

“Thank you sooo much. I was certain you’d say no,” the girl babbled.

“We’re more than happy to do so. Anything for the fans,” Brendon smiled at her. The girl walked away and a cab appeared a few moments later. They climbed in, and for the rest of the drive, they sat in silence, holding each other’s hands and breathing the same air.

~~~~~

When they were in the elevator at the hotel, Ryan had officially decided what he wanted to do with Brendon that night. “I wanna do it.”

“What?!” Brendon said confusedly. There was no context, and it was completely out of the blue.

“I wanna do it. I want to have sex with you. Tonight,” Ryan said as he gripped Brendon’s biceps and pulled him closer to his chest. He could see that Brendon’s pupils were widening until he could barely see the coffee-brown irises.

“Oh, fuck, yes, Ryan,” Brendon said as he stood up taller and kissed him. Ryan flung his arms around him and held him in a vice. Hopefully, nobody would want the elevator until they got to their room; they didn’t want anyone walking in and seeing them. The elevator dinged and they pulled apart. They briskly walked to their room, and when they arrived, Brendon fumbled for a few seconds with the door key. After a few failed attempts, it unlocked and they both stumbled inside.

“There’s only one bed,” Ryan said between the kisses he was pressing to Brendon’s neck. “Bet you did that on purpose, too.” Brendon only sighed in approval and let out a small moan when he felt Ryan’s lip suck his neck, leaving a half-formed bruise there. 

Brendon pulled away and kicked off his shoes and socks before laying on the center of the bed, leaning into the pillows. Ryan followed suit, and crawled onto the bed on top of Brendon. Hastily, he pulled off his bandana and tossed it to the side. Propping himself up on his right forearm, he used his left hand to brush some of the hair away from Brendon’s face. Ryan slid his hand down Brendon’s cheek and to his chin, taking it in his fingers and tipped it to meet his lips in a more chaste kiss than the passionate one before. Brendon reciprocated, and moved his hands to Ryan’s hips, bringing him closer to his body. He gave an experimental roll of his hips, and felt Ryan groan into the kiss.

As the kiss deepened, Ryan slid his hands between their chests and started to unbutton Brendon’s jacket. Brendon sat up so he could remove it, and he returned the favour to Ryan by unbuttoning his vest. At this point, Ryan was straddling Brendon’s hips as they both removed their shirts and flung them onto the ground. Ryan had his hands on Brendon’s bare shoulders, and Brendon’s hands were on Ryan’s hips. Brendon rolled his hips up again, feeling Ryan’s already hard dick above his. His hands traveled to the front of Ryan’s jeans, and unclasped his belt. Once it was off, he set to work on unbuttoning Ryan’s jeans. Ryan got off the bed and peeled them off, jumping a bit as he tried to free his ankles from the legs of the pants. On the bed, Brendon was removing his own jeans and flinging them in the direction of his bag. Before Ryan returned to the bed, Brendon gave his own dick a squeeze over his boxers, moaning at the much-needed contact.

Ryan was on top of Brendon again, straddling his waist and running his hands over Brendon’s chest. Below him, Brendon was quivering under Ryan’s touch; goosebumps were spreading all over his body, and as Ryan’s hands traveled more and more towards his abdomen, he felt his dick growing even harder. Ryan must have felt this, because his hands skimmed the waistband of Brendon’s boxers and he slipped his fingers below them to tug them off. Once Brendon’s dick was free from its constraints, Ryan dipped his mouth to the head and gave it a kitten lick. 

After a few experimental licks, Ryan took the whole head into his mouth. Brendon let out a breathy moan at the feeling of Ryan’s hot, wet mouth around his dick. Ryan looked up at Brendon as he took more of his cock into his mouth, and swirled his tongue around the shaft. He removed Brendon’s dick from his mouth and wrapped his hand around it, spreading the pre-come and spit all over it. Brendon was a mess, moaning and grunting from the sensation of Ryan’s large hand on him. He rutted up into Ryan’s hand when he felt Ryan’s fingers drift down to his entrance. 

“Ngh, Ry. Want you in me already. There’s lube in my bag,” Brendon said to Ryan. 

“I know there is,” Ryan replied, giving Brendon a kiss on his inner thigh before he got off the bed again to go to Brendon’s bag and retrieve it.

Sitting up, Brendon chuckled and said, “You snooped through my stuff, Ry?”

“Guess that’s one way you could say it,” Ryan said with a wink. He stood up and returned to the bed with the lube and a condom. Ryan popped the cap on the lube and poured some of it onto his fingers. Teasingly, he ran his fingers over Brendon’s entrance before pushing one in. As he slid it in, Brendon’s breathing hitched and he stuttered over his words. 

“This okay, Bren? Am I hurting you much?” Ryan asked, not wanting to hurt Brendon or continue if he was too uncomfortable.

“Yes, Ry. I’m fine. Can you move?” Brendon said. Ryan obliged, and slowly began to push his finger in and out of Brendon. It burned a bit, but Brendon felt it turning to pleasure as Ryan continued fingering him.

“Another,” was all Brendon had to say before Ryan pushed in a second finger alongside the first. He was stretching Brendon out, and Brendon was moaning even louder as Ryan probed his fingers around in search of his prostate.

When Brendon let out a sharp gasp, Ryan knew he had found it. He ran his fingertips across Brendon’s prostate, hearing the little whimpers and sighs fall from Brendon’s lips as he stimulated it further. Finally, he pushed in a third finger, and it was almost enough for Brendon to come.

“Ah- Ry… I’m gonna come if you keep doing that. Still want you to fuck me,” Brendon said as he gripped Ryan’s wrist to stop his ministrations.

“You sure?” Ryan said as he slipped his fingers out of Brendon and moved his hands to the waistband of his own boxers, waiting for Brendon’s reply before slipping them off.

“I’m more than sure, Ryan,” Brendon said as he palmed Ryan’s crotch, earning him a loud moan from Ryan. He led Ryan’s boxers down with him, sliding them across his long legs. When they were off, Ryan opened the condom packet and quickly rolled it onto his dick. Brendon grabbed him the lube, and handed it to him. Ryan poured some more into his hand and slicked up his dick. For good measure, Ryan coated Brendon’s entrance with more lube, and lined himself up with Brendon’s entrance.

They looked into each other’s eyes, and with a kiss, Ryan pushed into Brendon’s entrance. The kiss was cut off as the two moaned into each other’s mouths at the sensation. Ryan stilled, giving Brendon time to adjust to the feeling of his dick. 

“You can move, Ry. I’m good down here,” Brendon said as he keened into Ryan’s chest. Ryan slid further into Brendon until his whole cock was inside of him. Then, he experimentally retracted his hips and thrust up again. Brendon let out a long, breathy sigh, and Ryan gave another roll of his hips.

The feeling of Brendon’s tight heat around his dick was driving Ryan crazy. He just kept rolling his hips into Brendon’s, enjoying every moan escaping his mouth. When Brendon started rocking his hips up to meet Ryan’s hard thrusts, Ryan was sure he had hit his prostate again because of the near-scream Brendon had let out. Ryan grabbed a pillow and placed it under Brendon’s hips to thrust into him in a different angle. 

“I-I’m gonna c-come, Bren…” Ryan moaned into Brendon’s ear. He was practically buried inside Brendon, grunting and moaning with every movement. 

“Me too, Ry… Jesus fuck, this is amazing,” Brendon sighed as his hand went between his and Ryan’s stomachs to jerk himself off. He rutted up against his hand, and with one more stroke, Brendon came, crying out Ryan’s name as he continued to thrust into him. His come streaked their stomachs, and Ryan came right after him, groaning Brendon’s name into his ear along with a string of swears.

They lay like that, Ryan still inside Brendon, and panting. Ryan didn’t think he had come harder before with any of his girlfriends, and god, could he live for more of this. After a few moments, he rolled off of Brendon and removed the condom. He threw it away, and then turned to face Brendon. He looked into his eyes, still feeling energy and excitement running through his veins. Brendon smiled at him, and Ryan couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Let me get you something to clean you up,” Ryan said as he got off the bed and went to the bathroom to wet a washcloth for Brendon. When he returned, he sat next to Brendon on the bed and wiped the come off his stomach and legs. Before dropping the towel to the ground, he left a small kiss on Brendon’s collarbone.

Ryan returned to his side of the bed and pulled off the covers so he and Brendon could get in. When Ryan climbed in, Brendon asked with a blush, “Can you spoon me?” 

“Course I will. Come here,” Ryan said as he pulled Brendon towards his body. Brendon turned his back towards his chest, and Ryan wrapped his arm around Brendon’s waist and tangled their legs together. The steady in and out of their breaths lulled the both of them into a deep sleep.

~~~~~

The next morning, Ryan woke up to the slow, steady pattering of rain outside their hotel room. He pulled Brendon a little closer to his chest to try and feel his warmth in the slight chill their room had. Brendon sounded like he was still asleep, and Ryan didn’t want to wake him. As he tried to shift into a more comfortable position, he felt Brendon stir and roll to face him. For a few minutes, the both of them just stared into each other’s eyes. Brendon’s lids were still droopy, and both of their hair was tousled. 

Brendon was the first to speak. “Morning.”

Ryan had to fight a smile when he heard Brendon’s cute little morning voice. “Morning to you, too.”

Brendon’s hand traveled to rest on Ryan’s bare chest, his fingers slightly curling against it. He and Ryan looked down at his hand, and Brendon asked, “What are we?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“After this, Ry… Was it one time, or is this going to be a thing we do? Or are we actually going to be a thing?” There was an uneasy silence between the two of them after he said that. Ryan’s thumb brushed Brendon’s hip repeatedly as he ran it back and forth.

“I’d like us to be a thing, yeah. I don’t know if it’s ideal, though. I don’t want to hurt the band, and I know how much the band means to all of us. I don’t want us to be the reason why everything goes out of whack,” Ryan finally supplied. Brendon let out a small, understanding exhale, feeling a little downtrodden at the answer.

“Yeah, I get it. It’s just that… I really love you. I do. But you’re right, we shouldn’t mess up the group with this. It’s for the better, honestly. As long as I had that one night, I would be happy for the rest of my life,” Brendon said as he looked up at Ryan. Ryan moved his hand under Brendon’s chin and tipped it up so he could kiss him. After the short kiss, Brendon pulled Ryan closer to him, trying to soak up his presence for just a little longer.

As they lay there, resting in each other’s embrace with the only noise being their breaths, Ryan thought about them. Fuck, I probably fucked this up. I want to be something with him, I don’t just want to fuck him whenever we feel like it or when we’re lonely. I… I couldn’t do that to him. I just want this moment forever. 

Brendon and Ryan got up about half an hour later to take a shower. It was already 8:30, and their flights were at 10:00. The shower was chaste, just spying glances at each other as they washed. Brendon’s eyes observed the rivulets of water that traveled down Ryan’s long, bony limbs, the way the steady stream of water hit his face; it reminded him of last afternoon at the park.

They both got out of the shower, and dressed in silence. The uneasy topic from earlier still hung in the air, and it was undoubtable that things would be a little awkward and blushy when they saw each other next. They gathered their things from the hotel, and left walking hand in hand.

When they got in the cab, Ryan leaned against Brendon’s shoulder and said in a whisper, “This is the best birthday I could ever ask for, Bren. Thank you for that call.”

All Brendon did was press a kiss to his forehead and whisper back, “I know.”

~~~~~

Their departure was bittersweet as they stood in the middle of the central terminal. Brendon looking up at Ryan, and Ryan looking down at Brendon. Ryan’s hands were cemented on Brendon’s biceps, and Brendon had his hands on Ryan’s hips. 

“I have to go, Bren. My flight is soon and I have to go,” Ryan said with a melancholy tone. What he would give to just spend forever in Seattle with Brendon.

“Me too. I would kiss you here, but… People might see,” Brendon replied.

“I… I guess I should go now. I’ll call you when I land,” Ryan assured him.

“I’ll be waiting,” Brendon said with a smirk. They gave each other a deep hug, relishing in the moment for a few seconds too long.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered into Brendon’s ear.

“I love you, too,” Brendon replied. 

They broke the hug, and their arms still trailed together as they broke apart. Their hands grazed each other, and they looked into each other’s eyes as they walked away, lost in the sea of people around them.

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> All of the places mentioned in this story, i.e.: JFK, Sea-Tac Airport, Myrtle Edwards Park, and the restaurant (which is actually called The Pink Door) are all real places. Once again, I do not own anyone or anything mentioned in this story, and it was not created for monetary profit. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed my story, and (pity) kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> ~Hunter


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